A month or so ago I read a blog post on an amazing business blog that asked “what took you out of your comfort level this year?”. I can think of a few things that have done just that.. But one thing in particular. One thing that shouldn’t be hard, shouldn’t be so uncomfortable, but it was… because we are missing our boy.
I know you all remember our last family pictures before our lives were changed forever. The ones with two little boys, ages 5 and 3 exploring a field… The ones with me & my big belly, Darryl playing with the boys.. us anticipating the birth of our 3rd child, a baby girl…
It was our life and it was our perfect.
That life was shattered into a million pieces by a tragic accident on a warm day in June when our 3 year old, Ayden, unexpectedly went to Heaven. Kgrace was only 8 weeks old. Caleb was 5 days away from turning 6. And he lost his best friend, his brother.
Because of our hope, we aren’t forever broken, not forever shattered.. Only while we are on this earth will we feel like this.
One day it will be made new. Made RIGHT.
Until then, we press on and we live, missing a piece of our puzzle. We go places and people ask us about the two kids with us and have confused faces when we explain we have three. We walk in a restaurant and they ask “table for 4?”And I hate answering yes.
It is so hard, so painful. I miss him.
When fall came.. I knew I wanted needed us to get family photos taken– I’m a photographer after all! But I didn’t want to.. Not without Ayden. I had some scheduled for last fall with the five of us where we lived in Brandon, MS.. but obviously we didn’t get to take them. You see, I had come to the realization that we’d never have a family photo session with all 5 of us in it.. All these sessions I have with full, complete, families. I’ll never get that with my own. Just heartbreaking.
Nonetheless, we scheduled them, and I talked with our photographer Erin about how we could include Ayden in them. She knew how I was struggling and was so sweet about it all. Between both of our ideas, we came up with some great stuff for the photo shoot that would boldly say Ayden and include him as much as possible!
The morning of our session came and all I could think of was how I miss him, how great the maternity/family session was when our world was right, and how I hoped that I’d get through it without breaking down.
I was not in my comfort zone. At all. Even though I should have been. But I did it, we did it for each other. Because our kids need these memories.
They need to know and see that their mommy & daddy, though broken, are still crazy about them and love making memories with them. These photos are a blessing to my heart. And they are priceless.
No matter where you are in life.. what heartbreak your going through, what stress has taken over..be sure to get your family together and get your photos taken.. incorporate your struggles if need be. Make it a priority. Highlight the happy things. But just document it. You can’t get these times back and they fly by SO fast.
Even if I wasn’t fully comfortable, it will always be worth it to have these memories and to be able to have our family pictures with him in it, though not the way we planned. But he sure was there..
It’s always worth it.
Amy - Yall are a very strong couple. I thank God for hope!! I picture all five of yall laying in a field on a blanket playing and laughing as your family does. One day that picture in my head will be your picture come true. Love you all so much and praying each time I bow my head for your precious family.
Tiffany Ferrari - That was an awesome blog. As I am reading this I am getting ready for church and wanting to go back to sleep> But you helped to humble me. To make me want to run to the house of The Lord and give thanks because He is real and his mercy endures forever. He promised that if we seek Him and trust Him that he will “give us he Peace of God that passes all understanding.” I comprehend what that means, but you and your family are a living example of what it means. You define God’s peace and the comfort that He promised to give us after Calvary. You are so strong and a Godly encouragement. Thank you for being such an inspiration to all who know your story
Amy w. - Oh these are just geourgous! I love them all! However the one that spoke to me and tugged at my heart was the ladder picture. What a great way to incorporate Ayden. From the simple A to the climb to heaven he has did when meet our maker. Simply Amazing! Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. All three of your children are beautiful, even though you might only NEED a table for 4, you are always a family of five 🙂
Michelle Nantel - I relate to this post so very very much, as I too am a photographer but only since the passing of my son 3 years ago. My son was 28 and we lost him to the Swine Flu, I have felt this exact same feeling of having another family photo as it would always feel as something was missing, My children are all grown and gone now and this has been my wish for this upcoming year to have an updated photograph of our children and grandchildren, we have our 5th grandson expected to arrive at the end of Jan 2013 and this is my goal for next year to do just this. I am so proud that you were able to find the strength for your children to photograph your family in such a loving and honorable way , ty for sharing your story with us and I know first hand the pain and suffering and loss you feel as I feel it too everyday, May you continue to heal your heart thruout the years to come. my heart is right there with you.
Jenn Cowles - Perfect!!
Amy - I am so comforted by your strength and purpose. I struggle too with loss. God Bless you, your family and the ears that hear your story. Thank you Thank you from my heart!
Karen - Thank you for your amazing honesty and faith. I love how you continue to hope in the future. Someday you will all be together as a family should. Until that day, hold in your heart all the memories you made while Ayden was here on earth. Never doubt that your story, your honesty, your openness inspires many families. Continued prayers for your healing heart.
Karen - Beautifully written. I am never in pictures with my family because of being insecure of what I look like at the time. You made me see the picture is not about me. My heart goes out to you and the portraits are priceless. In my prayers.
Cindy Failla - This story breaks my heart, when the accident happened I was praying with my family non-stop for Ayden. I saw it posted on fb and was following it daily. When tragedies happens it is so hard and I know when I lost my brother even though my faith was deep I still would scream out in my cries, “WHY GOD?” But I know everything is His plan. You have a beautiful family and thanks for sharing the pictures. Cherish the memories and talk about Ayden constantly. My children never met my brother but they can tell you stories about him like they knew him. 🙂 I too, love taking pictures, I am not a professional but I do take alot of pictures and I make sure to get professional pictures taken a couple times a year. We have one professional picture with my brother and that was years ago. I would have loved to have more pictures with all of the siblings in it. Good Luck in everything you do. Have a Merry Christmas too. 🙂
Linda Vallee - I found your blog on the Rachel Brenke Facebook page, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Your strength, honesty, hope and faith are simply amazing.
These are beautiful, stunning pictures. Thank you for this blog post!
Lauren, Chris & Evan | New Albany, Mississippi Family Portrait Photographer » mwptupelo.com - […] behind on posting blogs in the last few months. I hope to catch up on some really soon, but I saw a blog another photographer posted that made me finally sit down and write this one. She said she read a business blog that asked, […]